THE MUPPETS TAKE MCGARRETT
McGarrett rubbed his tired eyes, 9 P.M.; the rest of the office staff had gone
home long ago, including Dan. I just need a little catnap. Steve stood
up, stretched, rolled down his shirtsleeves and headed to the long, white
leather couch in his office. His jacket, gun, and tie hung on the coat rack; he
slipped off his shoes and lay down on the couch. He closed his eyes, fell
immediately to sleep and started to dream.
me, Mr. McGarrett, sir,” a high-pitched voice intruded on Steve’s dream. He
opened his eyes to find himself staring at a very, large talking frog. Talking
frog!! Danno’s right I need a vacation. Steve closed his eyes and tried to
go back to sleep.
me try, Kermie.” Steve heard.
light hand tapped on his shoulder, Steve now found himself staring at a blonde,
pink pig, dressed in a very loud print muu muu. “Mr. McGarrett you have to
help us!!”, she batted her long blonde eyelashes. “You’re the world’s
best detective, we’ve heard and we really, really need your help.”
Steve now sat up, either this was a dream or he would have some heavy explaining to do to Danno when he came in. He slipped back on his shoes, still of indecision whether or not he should go home.
Damm a pink pig and a green frog, why can’t I see pink elephants just like everyone else. I knew I shouldn’t have had that glass of wine at dinner.
“See, Kermie. I knew I could convince him”, the pig said.
McGarrett let me introduce myself. I am Kermit THE frog and this is my, my
assistant, Miss Piggy.” Miss Piggy hit Kermit, hard.
indeed. We are partners. Mr. McGarrett,” as she batted her eyelashes at
others should be along shortly and then we can start the case.” Kermit
What have I gotten myself into? Steve
closed and opened his eyes to be still staring at Kermit and Miss Piggy.
heard a loud ruckus, as other talking animals appeared, a talking bear and
another talking creature, he couldn’t quite identify.
Bear, meet Mr. McGarrett,” Kermit made introductions “and this is Gonzo.”
Steve shook hands with them and then led them to the white chairs in front of
Fozzie started. “I met a golfer who always wears an extra pair of pants. You
know in case he gets a hole in one. Get it.
A HOLE IN ONE! Wacka, wacka, wacka.”*
ignored Fozzie and turned his attention to Kermit. Miss Piggy had decided to sit
on the edge of Steve’s desk and continually batted her long eyelashes at him.
Steve was finding it very distracting and almost asked her to stop.
you see Mr. McGarrett,” Kermit started “We lost a goose and we really need
to find her.”
Piggy interrupted,” It’s not just another goose Mr.McGarrett. It’s like a
lost long member of our family.” Kermit was eyeing Miss Piggy and Steve felt
he was suddenly being had.
me why you picked me?” Steve questioned them again.
Piggy explained they were new to the island and on everyone’s lips was the
name McGarrett and certainly he could take the time to help visitors. She
constantly batted her eyelashes. For some reason, Steve agreed and went into his
desk drawer and pulled out binoculars and a flashlight. It was then a large
disagreement broke out between the four of them. Only after practically yelling
was he able to get them to concentrate on the job at hand.
the discussion, Steve went to the coat rack and got his jacket and holster, he
didn’t think a tie would be necessary, but put it on anyway.
and Miss Piggy sat in the front seat of the mercury, Fozzie and Gonzo were in
the back, constantly complaining. Somehow, Kermit pulled out a large map of Oahu
and started pointing out sources of fresh water and the likely places the goose
am I even here? I’m just along for the ride or worse!
They started at Kiopolani Park and worked their way around the ponds. The creatures really didn’t have a complete description of the goose, but they managed somehow. Each stop, Steve had to wade in some water, his toes and calves starting to get chilled in the process.
had lived on the Ohau for many years and never knew there were so many damm
lakes. The things were starting to get on his nerves, constantly bickering
between each other, but what really bugged Steve every stop he made he seemed to
pick up more passengers.
Fozzie chimed in with another joke. “When is a car not a car? When it’s a lemon! Wocka, Wocka! A LEMON! WAIT! I got more!!”*
back seat was now crammed with these creatures getting hair, feather and cookie
crumbs in his nice clean car. Talking constantly Steve had to bite his tongue,
afraid he might blow his top in front of them. He heard strange noises, from
wacka, wacka, Swedish sounding language and a Romaniaian accent. I’m
definitely ready for a vacation. He heard clucking noises, squealing, and
someone continually counting. Steve was afraid to look in the rearview
mirror, wondering what other strange and wondrous thing would show up next.
only that a few of them were singing a song about rainbows and the tune and
words had gotten stuck in Steve’s brain and now the song was playing on a
continuous loop in his head, annoying him further.
Every stop was turning into a big goose egg, with no goose to be found and Steve was tired of their evasiveness. Finally, he cornered Kermit for an answer.
What gives about this damn goose, Kermit?” Steve’s eyes fixed on Kermit. He
withered under Steve’s fiery gaze.
McGarrett, watch your language please, you never know whose watching. Okay,
okay,” Kermit relenting under Steve’s glare. “It lays golden eggs, we need
it for seed money to start a TV show. I’m sorry Mr. McGarrett, its. . .its
just we really need your help.”
Goose that lays the golden egg. That was a fairy tale.
all climbed back into the car, with Steve ready to call it a night and go home.
Only the sheer force of will to find something so rare egged him on.
they were driving, Steve was growing crazy, a damm wild goose chase. And Danno
said he didn’t have a sense of humor.
wait a minute.” Kermit piped up. “I don’t know why we didn’t think of
this sooner. We should go talk to Big Bird, he would know.”
Big Bird, Steve mouthed.
“I knew I could count on you Kermie, unlike some people I know.” Miss Piggy now glared at him.
gently touched Miss Piggy and her glare intensified at him.
next time you touch me, buster. HI-YAA”
started agreeing loudly, so loud in fact Steve couldn’t hear himself think.
a minute, wait a minute.” Steve shouted above the din. He was finally able to
calm everyone down. “Do you know this Big Bird and where we can find him?”
they all replied. “He’s on Sesame Street.”
Street. I’ve lived here for almost fifteen years and have never heard of that
guys. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?”
checked the address again. The street was straight out of New York, couldn’t
be. Brownstones, metal trash cans, the scent of soot and boiled cabbage. The
street was filled with creatures; Steve didn’t even know how to identify. He
felt he was in a parade as he followed his now entourage to big bird.
everyone.” Fozzie started again. “Did you hear that the frogs in New York
have erected a monument to frogs everywhere? It’s called the Statue of Ribbet-y.
Ha! Get it? STATUE OF RIBBET-Y?”*
and Miss Piggy led the group, until Steve could see a large yellow thing in the
distance. Big Bird? As they got closer, Steve could see they weren’t
kidding. The thing stood about eight feet tall, was a bright yellow and had a
very large beak and high voice.
“Hello, everyone” Big Bird called to them.
are we glad to see you,” Miss Piggy said to Big Bird. “Some people you just
can’t trust.” As Miss Piggy eyed Steve.
Kermit nudged his way in. “We really need to find the goose that lays golden
Big Bird thought, putting his wing up to his mouth. He told them where to find
the goose and then the ruckus started again as soon as they climbed into the
were finally at the location Big Bird told them. Steve again had to check to
make sure he was still in Ohau. They were in a huge redwood forest. He kept
looking back at the mercury, expecting it to disappear into thin air.
you know,” Fozzie started up again, “What kind of stories my mother read to
me when I was a cub. Furry tales! Get it? She was a BEAR! She’d read me FURRY
tales. Ahh AHHAhh!*
just ignored him and got out the infrared binoculars, he spotted an odd colored
goose. Not exactly white or gold in fact. The creatures continued on how they
should approach the bird.
Steve took the matter into his own hands. He approached the goose quietly
cooing, wading in the water and used his tie to make a leash. His feet of course
got wet in the process, but at least he had the goose.
me, excuse me.” Steve yelled to be heard above them.
what?” Miss Piggy snorted.
have the goose.” Steve stated plainly ready for the whole torrid episode to be
into the car, Steve could hear everyone going quiet. Finally!
As they drove back to the Palace, Steve cranked up the heater His feet were still wet and it had been a long and tortuous night.
Piggy kept on going how it was Kermit who had found the goose and not him. Don’t
I get any respect? I got the damm thing, didn’t I? But, Miss Piggy only
had eyes for Kermit. THANK GOD!
They all followed him up the steps and into the office. Each creature shook his hand and suddenly Steve felt very, very, tired.
headed out the door and Steve could see the mass of them going with Miss Piggy
and Kermit leading the way. He shut the door. Even after he shut the door he
could still here them squawking as he laughed silently. Boy, what a dream or
was it more like a nightmare. Glad its over with.
hung up his jacket and loosened his tie, so tired he didn't even remove his
shoes as he headed back to the couch. Maybe
finally now I can get some sleep. He lay down and immediately fell asleep.
opened his eyes to find himself staring at Dan Williams. His mouth with just a
slight smile, curly brown hair, and just a hint of merriment in his blue eyes,
as he stood there neatly pressed in his dark green suit.
"You know, Steve. I don't know why you even pay rent. Why don't you just move your stuff here? I'm sure it would save you a lot of time."
glared at him and his green suit.
you what Steve, how about I buy you breakfast?
swung himself over and put his feet on the floor and stood up. His feet squished
into his shoes. No way, I was dreaming I had to be.
your feet are all wet." Dan looked down at Steve's feet and smiled.
“Something you should tell me about?” Dan now had a wicked grin on his face.
looked down to find his shoes, socks and pant legs were still wet.
said something about breakfast," Steve said reaching for his jacket. As he
slid it on, he patted his pockets for his car keys and felt something else. He
quickly put his hand in his pocket and pulled it out. It was a little golden egg
with a note attached. "Thanks. The Muppets"
that was what those creatures were.
Danno. Lets go to breakfast and will talk about you holding down the fort, while
I go on vacation." Steve patted Dan on the back.
yeah, sure, Steve." Dan responded in shock.